


Exhale

by wesawbears



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, Use of slur, brief mentions of sexual assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 11:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10411506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesawbears/pseuds/wesawbears
Summary: Jean faces the Ravens for the first time since arriving at USC. One phone call, three points, five Ravens and a cluster of glow in the dark stars help him face his demons.





	

Jean wakes with a pounding headache behind his eye. It was most likely because he hadn’t slept all day, but no one needed to know that except him and his therapist. Tomorrow’s date on the calendar loomed the way a prisoner’s execution date might. 

It was the day USC was scheduled to play the Ravens in a wildcard game before the playoffs. Jean had been mentally preparing for it for weeks, but as the date drew closer, his heart felt more and more constricted in his chest. The team noticed in the way he checked harder at practice and Jeremy had been sending him concerned looks all week, but they all knew better than to ask.

Jean sighs and unlocks his phone so he could make a call. He knocks his head against the headrest of his bed, but clicks call all the same. 

He taps his foot impatiently as the phone rang. Just when he begins to hope that he wouldn’t pick up, he hears Kevin’s impatient voice go, “Jean? What’s going on?”

As if he doesn’t know. As if the Ravens’ schedule doesn’t run through his head every goddamn day.

Jean sighs. This was a wretched idea. “I have to play them tomorrow.” A beat of knowing silence passes before Jean follows up with, “How did you do it?”

He hears Kevin exhale and what he assumes is Kevin sitting down followed by, “It was the court. They couldn’t hurt me there.”

“They can always hurt you. You know that,” Jean deadpanned.

“And you know them. Beat them at their own game.”

“I didn’t call you to ask how to win a fucking game.”

“Then why did you call?”

Jean tries to remember a time when the sound of Kevin’s voice didn’t feel like salt in an open wound. “It’s not as though I have an abundance of other options.”

Kevin laughs humorlessly. Jean’s about to hang up when Kevin says, “I’m sorry I didn’t take you with me.”

Jean closes his eyes. “You’re really not.”

“I’ll see you at finals.”

He hears a click to signal that Kevin hung up. Jean realized that it was the closest to encouragement that he’d ever get from Kevin. It’s enough.

\--

Jean’s standing on the sidelines and he doesn’t want to move. He knows the second he steps on the court every Raven will be gunning directly for him. He knows this because it’s exactly what he would do. It’s exactly what he did do when he played the Foxes a year ago. It feels like another life.

He looks down the line and sees Jeremy and Sara and Laila and every other starting Trojan standing there with him. 

He is not Kevin and he is not afraid.

When his name is called, he steps onto the court and walks unflinchingly to his place. The new Raven captain is an unremarkable player Jeremy’s age. He wasn’t part of the inner circle, so Jean’s memories of him are hazy. However, his memory is jogged when he passes Jean and murmurs, “Slut,” just loud enough for him to hear.

Jean’s blood freezes in his veins, but can’t choke in front of them, so he keeps his eyes forward. Jeremy’s too far away to hear what was said, but calls out, “Let’s have a clean game, shall we?”

Jean squeezes his eyes shut. When he opens them, colors dance across his vision, but he’s able to focus enough to have a decent first half. There are a few sloppy shots that get past him, but he’s learning to let himself be human. The second half goes better and the Trojans manage to win by 3 points. Jeremy beams at him before crashing into Jean for a hug. In the moment, Jean forgets himself and hugs back for a bit too long. Long enough to get the Ravens’ attention.

A group of five Ravens walk up to them in their signature V. To his left, Sara coughs, “Cult.”

The Raven at the front grins and says, “Worked your way into the starting lineup, huh?”

Jean’s smile fades. Jeremy takes the bait and says, “Jean is an asset to any team. We’d be stupid not to put him on as a starter.”

A player behind the captain smirks. “That’s adorable. Prince Charming come to save the day. Too bad he’ll get sick of you once he realizes you’re damaged goods.”

Jean grits his teeth to avoid drawing attention to himself. Sara steps into the guy’s face and says, “And your entire team is full of washed up has beens. You lost. Go lick your wounds off of our court. No one needs to see that pathetic display.”

The Ravens smirk at them before turning and walking off the court in unison. Laila lays a hand on his shoulder and Jean says, “Thank you.”

Sara snorts. “You’re family. We don’t let assholes talk to our family.” She pats his back and heads off to the locker room. Jean shrugs and follows.

\--

The walk home is spent trying to keep his mood up amongst the adrenaline high Trojans, but the moment the door to their room closes, Jean sinks heavily onto his bed. He doesn’t feel on the verge of a panic attack, which is an unexpected grace, but he feels exhausted down to his bones. 

Jeremy hovers next to his bed, unsure of whether his company is wanted or not. Jean pats the spot next to him and in a moment of vulnerability, he rests his head on Jeremy’s shoulder. Ordinarily Jean was wary of people above him in any context, but Jeremy’s body felt like a shield and for once it was comforting rather than frightening. 

“You did great tonight,” Jeremy says, breaking the silence.

Jean’s tempted to list all of the mistakes he made that night, but he counts to ten and decides it’s a conversation better suited for practice on Monday.

“Thank you.” The underlying, ‘for putting up with me’ hung heavy in the room.

“You’re not damaged goods,” Jeremy says definitively.

“I know,” Jean says. 

Jeremy frowns and a crinkle appears between his eyes. Jean reaches up to smooth it out. “I know, Jeremy.”

Jeremy pouts. “I had a whole speech singing your praises prepared.

Jean gestures. “Go on, then.”

Jeremy laughs. “Well...you’re funny, which I didn’t expect.” Jean chuckles. “And you’re one of the smartest people I know. I still don’t know how you read those giant philosophy books.” Jeremy turns Jean’s face up to look at him. “And you’re the strongest person I know. You’re stronger than all of them. Fuck what they have to say.”

“That doesn’t sound like Captain Sunshine,” Jean teases.

Jeremy laughs raucously. “Shut up.” Jean joins him until they wear themselves out laughing. 

“Are you good to sleep?” Jeremy asks.

Jean nods and Jeremy stands to go over to his bed. He checks that Jean is settled before switching the lamp off.

\--

Sleep was not Jean’s friend. As he drifts off, the Ravens’ words swim in his head, filling him with a mix of black memories and new images of himself failing, of Riko alive angry, of Jeremy, walking away with a pitying headshake.

When he thrashes awake, his hands are clenched in the sheets and he struggles to ground himself until he sees the glow in the dark stars Jeremy kept on their ceiling. He exhales. It was a dream, but the feeling still clutches his chest in an uncomfortable way. 

“Jean?” He hears Jeremy stir. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just a bad dream.”

“Do you want me to come sit with you?”

Jean makes a noise of assent.and Jeremy climbs in across from him and lays his hands palm up on the covers for Jean to hold when he was ready. They wait a few minutes until Jean lays his hands on top of Jeremy’s.and breathes.

“There we go. Do you think you can fall back asleep?” 

Jean nods and Jeremy moves to return to his bed. 

“Wait,” Jean says, keeping a light hold on Jeremy’s wrist. He was still feeling a bit raw from the image of dream Jeremy walking away from him. “Stay with me?”

Jeremy smiles and crawls into the still warm space next to Jean. “Of course.”

Jean uses the rise and fall of Jeremy’s breath and the constancy of the neon stars to fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.


End file.
